1974 Coronet

Recently I went to my friend Jeff's house to help him with yard work. While there, we discussed cars, school, jobs, and our multi-faceted issues with the opposite sex. It was a great bonding experience; I've found that nothing helps secure a friendship quite like working and sweating together. In fact, we first cemented our relationship as weight training partners in 10th grade. During this bonding time, we also unexpectedly got to use a chainsaw. Apparently, Jeff's father has always wanted a certain bush to be removed but had never found the time to do it. It just so happened that he was out of town for the weekend, so Jeff's mother asked us to remove it and surprise him. We looked at her, and looked at the bush. Slowly and perfectly synchronized, our heads swiveled toward eachother and our eyes met. I could see the twinkle in his eye and knew that he could see the same in mine. It was a beautiful moment, but was broken off by our full-out sprint to the tool shed.
It took us about 2 hours to remove this huge bush; all the while, we were able to release our pent-up aggression and anxiety through the majesty of the blade. We took a step back, put our hands on our hips, and admired the handiwork of our destruction. Immediately following this accomplishment, masculine butt slaps and back pats were exchanged.
As we took the chainsaw and the gas can back to the tool shed, we passed by an old garage on Jeff's seemingly boundless property.
"What's in there?" I inquired.
"Oh, a couple of my dad's old cars."
"Can I see?" I eagerly wondered.
"Sure, why not?" replied Jeff.
As he lifted the old white door, I simultaneously became aware of two things: the smell of primer and the scurrying of rats to escape the now-entering sunlight. It became instantly clear that this old garage was scarcely frequented. But why not? Why shouldn't someone want to come back here more often? On one side of the garage rested a 1974 Dodge Coronet, gray with primer and somewhat rusted. On the other side, a white 1964 Chevrolet Impala graced my line of sight. Neither was in great visible shape, but Jeff informed me that both ran quite well.
I circled around the side of the Coronet in order to take a peek at the engine. When I lifted the hood, I involuntarily gasped.
"Holy fornication! This thing's got a 440! I bet it really moves!"
Jeff seemed amused. "Yep. Sure does! In fact, it's my dad's old patrol car." Jeff's father had been a cop in California during the 70s and 80s.
"You ever put this thing on the freeway?" I hinted, a touch of provocation in my voice.
"Yeah...you wanna take her for a spin?"
Needless to say, I took Jeff up on his offer immediately. The two of us climbed in and Jeff started up the old behemoth. Soon we were flying down Highway 512 at 90 mph, careening from roadsign to Jersey barrier and back again. When we got to the 512/Interstate 5 interchange, we decided to take I-5 North.
"You know, it's been awhile since I've been through Canada," I chimed in, "Why don't we go there?"
"Great idea! When we're there we can get some cream soda. Did you know it's PINK in Canada?" Jeff shouted.
"Yeah, weird Canucks!"
As the sun set to our left and laughing drowned out the radio, the two of us continued our adventure, knowing there'd be many more ahead.

The Benediction

To all those of you out there who are going through change soon, as am I:

"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.... Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
--Joshua 1:5-9 (NIV)

It occurs to me as I reread this passage that it it just as applicable today as it was when God spoke it to Joshua over 3,000 years ago. If God is for us, who can be against us? There is also a covenant in this passage: "Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go." I say "covenant" instead of "promise" because there's a very important difference: a promise implies unconditional follow-through, whereas with a covenant, we must keep up our end of the bargain to reap God's benefits. This is my prayer for the class of 2005: Follow God's will in your life and submerge yourself in His Word so that you can be sure of your footing once you enter college, the working world, the military, or whatever other aspect of life you may pursue. In times of change, a solid foundation in Christ is absolutely essential. Hold onto your ideals! Don't let corruption dissuade you or work its corrosive ways in you, but instead rise above your difficulties and hand them to God to deal with. In short, hold onto your faith in Christ and He will hang onto you. Never compromise, never surrender, and never underestimate your fullest potential.

Why?

Why does everything come down to the question "why?" Even that question, in essence, comes down to "why?" Think about that for a second.....weird....But I digress. Tonight, at my senior ball, the last high school dance I'll ever attend, I found myself asking "why?" multiple times. This was not at all the fault of my lovely date, nor the fun-packed group I went with. No, to quote Led Zeppelin, it was "nobody's fault but mine." "What," you might ask, "What was nobody's fault but your own?" Well, at least that's better than "why." I found myself struggling anew with a battle of desire, a battle that I thought had ended favorably months before. I found myself looking into the past and wondering what had become of my life, and most importantly, why it had become such. I had a wonderful relationship with an awesome woman of God. We both learned and grew as individuals in our time together, a feat notable amongst today's high school relationships. We pledged ourselves to follow God's will in all events and circumstances, and, to the best of our ability, we did. We made mistakes, as everyone does. We learned from our mistakes, as many do not. We lived loud, laughed long, and loved luxuriously. 13 months to the day this relationship lasted--an eternity to high schoolers. But why did it end? I must have done something wrong. I must have cheated on her, or lied to her, or been an utter jerk to her. I did not. She must have desired another man, or needed more alone time, or wanted to get her priorities straight. She did not. She simply fell out of love with me. May the Lord curse my young and foolish idealism! We broke up; we had to. I was promised that she didn't want it to end this way, but in the end, it didn't matter. In no way was it a wasted relationship, but it was over. Through no fault of my own, I had lost a wonderful part of my life. This girl brought me closer to God. She changed my life, opened my eyes, and broke my heart. Here is an obvious place for "why?" to enter. And it did, make no mistake. But I recovered. I spent time with friends, discussing my feelings like a true man. I worked through it, and in about a month was comfortable with her as a good friend--what we had been before. I was proud of my maturity, proud of my ability to pull through and get over her, and even more proud of our friendship. It was a true testament to the solid foundation of our romantic relationship. Obviously, if we were still friends after such a potentially ugly breakup, we had based our relationship on friendship. That was 6 months ago. Since then, she has been involved with two others, and is currently dating a good man. I have no problem with her current relationship, and consider the two of them friends of mine. I have not pursued a relationship, but have spent time with friends, schoolwork, and my never-ending music practice. But tonight as I engaged in my Senior Prom, several factors combined to bring my heart to its knees. I won't cover those factors; this post is long-winded enough already. But all that security of having recovered from this dead relationship disappeared. I had been questioning my feelings lately; were they still there? Did I still desire our old relationship? I hoped not, but as the night endured, it became overwhelmingly clear to me that I did. WHY? WHY? Am I not over this girl? Can I not move on? Why not?? I know we had many good moments, but in our last months together she had shown me almost no affection of any kind. I was frequently blown off and hurt by her resistance to my kind actions. And yet I cannot see that our breakup was for the best? Why not? What am I missing, God? And yet through all my confusion and striving to know the future, I am reminded of Job's encounter with God. Job questions the Lord's will extensively--"I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer. I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me. You snatch me up and drive me before the wind; you toss me about in the storm. I know you will bring me down to death, to the place appointed for all the living." Though he never utters the word, Job is obviously questioning fiercly in his heart, "Why, God? Why?" God is never hesitant to answer. And He is never one to mince words. "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?...Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!" Like Job, what can I say? "I am unworthy--how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer--twice, but I will say no more." God, work your will in my life, whatever it may be. I'm sorry for my weak faith; have patience with me, and never give me over to my sin.